


Outspoken need

by gonattsaga



Series: I lygternes skær [3]
Category: Blinkende lygter | Flickering Lights (2000)
Genre: Coming Out, Danish, Established Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Intimacy, Kissing, M/M, Putting words on feelings, Smalltime criminals, turning point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 01:33:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2090835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonattsaga/pseuds/gonattsaga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What if it doesn't work out, what then?" Torkild asks Peter, and it's a valid question.<br/>With no valid answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Outspoken need

"But what if it doesn't work out, what then!" Torkild demands.

Peter feels a prickle of annoyance, but it quickly fades again. It's a valid question, and one that he's asked himself countless of times. _But it's none of Torkild's business,_ although, _yeah, it kind of is_ , because they haven't got anyone else and if this thing between Arne and himself goes south it will take the whole group with it, it will split them apart and Peter can't blame Torkild for being worried about that, _so yeah, it's a valid question_. With no valid answer.

"Well?" Torkild insists.

Peter shrugs helplessly. He wishes he could reassure Torkild that nothing bad will happen, that nothing will change, but he can't do that and if he tried Torkild would just tell him to _fuck off_ anyway, because he's not stupid. He knows as well as Peter does that there are no guarantees, not when it comes to this. Love is one thing, they all love each other and they would all take a bullet for any one of the other three, but this is different. The love between Arne and himself is different now, maybe not better or more important, but slightly different. _Because it's true what they say, sex changes everything._ And Peter wishes he could reassure Torkild that that isn't the case with him and Arne, but he can't. He can only shrug.

"I can't believe you're so dismissive about this!" Torkild hisses. "Don't you give a shit?"

"Of course I do—"

"Well, then—?"

"I don't know what to tell you Torkild, I don't what's going to happen, I can't see into the future—!"

"Don't be so absurd, you little shit!" Torkild snaps and it almost affectionate, except Torkild is too worked-up and it doesn't last. "You have to know, you have to figure it out, because it's not just about the two of you—"

"Don't you think I know that—?"

"—You can't be this selfish! Think of... Of Stefan!"

"Yeah", Peter murmurs kindly, and it comes off a little too consoling and that's when Torkild fiMalloy tells him to fuck off, and Peter sighs.

"I really don't know what else to tell you, Torkild. I don't know what's going to happen and honestly, I don't want to think about it—!"

"Yeah, I know you don't want to think about it, that's the whole point. You have to—"

"No!" Peter interrupts. "No, I don't have to think about it... Torkild, I... Yeah, okay, maybe I do, but I won't, I can't, because... Because... I don't know, okay. I don't know what I'd do if... You know?"

"If it doesn't work out."

"Yeah", Peter admits. "I don't know if I could handle it. Okay? So I can't sit here and reassure you that it won't matter, that it won't change anything, because it will. Because I need him."

Torkild stares at him like he's never seen him before, and in a way he hasn't, Peter figures. At least not this side of him. It's new. Arne has brought it out. And he can't turn it off now.

Torkild blinks, and cringes away from the sincerity in Peter's words. They must have smacked him in the face like a back-hand. And Peter _gets_ it. Only a month ago it probably would have been too much for him to take in too.

"I need him", he says again, simply even though it shouldn't be, and he shrugs again.

Torkild nods. "Yeah..." He mumbles. "Yeah, okay..."

Peter chuckles a little wryly, it's anything but okay, but he appreciates the thought. He's just about to thank his friend for _not understanding perhaps but accepting_ , but a soft noise behind him distracts him. He looks over his shoulder and sees Arne slumped in the doorway, scuffing his toe against the threshold and looking like a big kid who's either shy or ashamed, and since Arne is neither it's a funny picture indeed. Peter smiles. Arne glances up and catches it, before he quickly looks down again. He doesn't smile back but a faint blush creeps onto his cheeks, and some of the tension in his shoulders, _his whole bod_ y, melts away.

"Sorry", he mutters. "Didn't mean to interrupt..."

He straightens up and schools his face into his usual mask of _cool_ , all hard lines and aloofness.

"What are you guys talking about?" He asks casually.

Peter feels his smile grow twice as big, he's sure Arne has heard everything they've said, or at least the last part when Peter admitted his feelings for him.

"Doesn't matter", Torkild says.

Peter wonders if he just feels left out and alone, or if he's genuinely worried that their makeshift family will finally break apart, now that Stefan has his girlfriend and a kid on the way, and Arne and Peter have, _well each other_.

Peter feels a surge of something inside of him, something that tickles. _We've got each other_. He turns back to Torkild, suddenly feeling quite confident.

"This won't change anything", he says and takes a swig from his latest bottle.

"No", Torkild mumbles. "No, no, it's not that. Well, maybe. But it should. That's why we're here, isn't it? That's why we came here, for a _change_. At least that's why I came here, and I talked you guys into coming with me—"

"I didn't have much of a choice", Peter interjects and hears Arne snicker behind him, _much closer than before_ , and Peter's skin prickles but he forces himself to not turn around.

"—It wouldn't be fair of me to hold you back, to keep you from changing just because things haven't changed for me", Torkild continues as if he hasn't heard him.

"We haven't changed, Torkild man", Arne says, _even closer now_ , and Peter's eyelids flutter closed of their own accord and then he _feels_ him, feels the warmth of his body and the faint smell of his cologne, and it makes his belly _churn._

 "Just... You know..." And then his hands are on Peter's shoulders, kneading gently, thumbs going up his neck and pressing into the base of his skull with just enough pressure.

Peter let's his head fall forward and half-swallows a groan that rises up from somewhere deep inside of him.

He hears the sigh that Torkild huffs out, but can't manage to open his eyes or even care what that sigh actually means.

"Please", Torkild mutters. "You've both changed already. I don't know if it's necessarily because of... Of _this_ thing... Or something else—but actually, for you Peter, it's probably the drugs—but that's not the point! It doesn't matter why! And anyway, it's a good thing! It's all good, all of it, I just..."

"Yeah", Arne says and spares him the frustration of having to try and put his feelings into words, they're no good at that, any of them, and it's okay because they get each other anyway.

"Yeah", Torkild echoes. "Anyway..."

Peter tracks the sound of his footsteps across the floor, then up the stairs. Arne leans down and they're cheek to cheek, his breath hits Peter's shoulder, warm and luring.

Peter turns his head slightly towards him to try and catch a kiss, but Arne turns too and nuzzles the space between his ear and jaw.

"Is that true, what you said, you know what you told Torkild?" He murmurs.

Peter half-hums, half-moans, but Arne takes it as a _yes_ and drops a feathery kiss on Peter's jaw, then nuzzles it again, the tip of his nose tickling the spot as though trying to rub the kiss into his skin. It's the most intimate they've ever been. Peter swallows hard, his whole body filling up with warmth, _no, crackling, tickling_ heat _that might explode at any moment_ , but Peter doesn't care.

"Me too", Arne murmurs, and nothing else matters anymore.

"Come here..." Peter mumbles and reaches blindly for him.

Arne slips his hand into Peter's and moves around to face him. Peter blinks his eyes open long enough to cup the other man's face and pull him down for a kiss. Arne has to bend down and angle his head and it has to be uncomfortable but he doesn't pull away, just grabs the side of Peter's chair to support himself and _opens up to him._ Peter moans into the kiss, and Arne swallows the sound, or tries to.

"Me too", Arne says again, breathlessly, when they eventually come apart for air.

"I know", Peter pants.

Arne shakes his head.

"No, you didn't."

 _That's true_ , Peter thinks. But now he knows, and that's all that matters. He doesn't tell Arne that. He still can't bring himself to completely trust this. A small part of him is still worried that he might scare the other man away if he reveals too much of himself, of his feelings, of just _how much_ he needs him.

But now Arne is looking into his eyes, really looking, really _seeing_ , and it's like he's trying to tell him something, telepathically, and Peter shakes his head a little, because he doesn't know what else to do.

Arne grabs his head, quickly and roughly, as always, or _as usual at least,_ and if it was any other day, any time before this moment, Peter would be ninety per cent certain that he was about to be head butted. He's not scared of that now though. Arne is all pent up energy, mostly aggression, _but passion too_ , Peter has come to realize. And he's not scared of it. He can tell the difference now.

"I need you", Arne says again, clearly, _fiercely_ , and Peter can only nod because his voice won't cooperate anymore. "I... You're important to me."

Whatever he was going to say doesn't matter, it really doesn't. Nothing matters anymore. Because Arne needs him, just as much as he needs Arne and now Torkild knows and he's, _somewhat_ , okay with it.

Peter feels light, like he might lift off the ground and soar away any moment now. And if Arne wasn't there to anchor him, he just might.


End file.
